╨╧рб▒с>■  :<■   9                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ье┴` Ё┐жbjbj╦s╦s .(ййж       д*******>ц ц ц ц · 4>╕ю: : : : : : : : 7999999$жh@]*!: : !!]**: : r!"*: *: 7!7**: . ╨С╒"X├╔ц C:KьИ0╕N}ИNN*0: hв Jь <(∙: : : ]]: : : ╕!!!!>>>Д┬$>>>┬>>>******     The Use of Empathetic Listening I was presenting Nonviolent Communication in a mosque at Deheisha Refugee Camp in Bethlehem to about 170 Palestinian Moslem men. Attitudes toward Americans at that time were not favorable. As I was speaking, I suddenly noticed a wave of muffled commotion fluttering through the audience. УTheyТre whispering that you are American!Ф my translator alerted me, just as a gentleman in the audience leapt to his feet. Facing me squarely, he hollered at the top of his lungs, УMurderer!Ф Immediately a dozen other voices joined him in chorus: УAssassin!Ф УChild-killer!Ф УMurderer!Ф Fortunately, I was able to focus my attention on what the man was feeling and needing. In this case, I had some cues. On the way into the refugee camp, I had seen several empty tear gas canisters that had been shot into the camp the night before. Clearly marked on each canister were the words УMade in U.S.A.Ф I knew that the refugees harbored a lot of anger toward the U.S. for supplying tear gas and other weapons to Israel. I addressed the man who had called me a murderer: I:Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? (I didnТt know whether my guess was correct, but what is critical is my sincere effort to connect with his feeling and need.)He:Damn right IТm angry! You think we need tear gas? We need sewers, not your tear gas! We need housing! We need to have our own country!I:So youТre furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence?He:Do you know what itТs like to live here for twenty-seven years the way I have with my familyЧchildren and all? Have you got the faintest idea what thatТs been like for us?I:Sounds like youТre feeling very desperate and youТre wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what itТs like to be living under these conditions.He:You want to understand? Tell me, do you have children? Do they go to school? Do they have playgrounds? My son is sick! He plays in open sewage! His classroom has no books! Have you seen a school that has no books?I:I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here; youТd like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their childrenЧa good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment . . .He: ThatТs right, the basics! Human rightsЧisnТt that what you Americans call it? Why donТt more of you come here and see what kind of human rights youТre bringing here!I:YouТd like more Americans to be aware of the enormity of the suffering here and to look more deeply at the consequences of our political actions? Our dialogue continued, with him expressing his pain for nearly twenty more minutes, and I listening for the feeling and need behind each statement. I didnТt agree or disagree. I received his words, not as attacks, but as gifts from a fellow human willing to share his soul and deep vulnerabilities with me. Once the gentleman felt understood, he was able to hear me as I explained my purpose for being at the camp. An hour later, the same man who had called me a murderer was inviting me to his home for a Ramadan dinner. ЧMarshall B. 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